


Forgive Me Father For I Have Sinned.

by orphan_account



Series: formula one — ideas. [13]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Angst, Blood, Blood Kink, Catholic Imagery, Catholic School, Catholicism, Chaptered, Face Slapping, Homophobia, Implied Sexual Content, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Male Friendship, Medium Length, Multiple Pairings, Painplay, Praise Kink, Religion, Religious Guilt, Rough Kissing, Rough Oral Sex, Teacher-Student Relationship, Teasing, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 10:58:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22576090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Lord be with you.""And with your spirit."Daniel dreams, he doesn't remember what he dreamt of when he wakes, he just remembers blonde hair and icy blue eyes. He remembers red of blood and crosses of faith.---Catholic Boarding School AUUnedited.
Relationships: Christian Horner/Daniel Ricciardo, Kimi Räikkönen/Daniel Ricciardo
Series: formula one — ideas. [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1534301
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. Our Father In Heaven, Hallowed Be Thy Name.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So I've returned from being M.I.A and I give to you this terrible chapter about the boys being in a catholic boarding school because this idea is really interesting to me and I enjoy it, since this is my profile, i can write whatever the fuck i want. Lots of love, Aibreain xx

** _Chapter One: Our Father In Heaven, Hallowed Be Thy Name._ **

"The Lord be with you."

"And with your spirits." The students mumbled in joint unison, their shoulders shoved against each other, their backs pressed to the hardened wood. Rows upon rows of wooden architecture, thousands of candles that had been lit by the sisters the morning of the mass. The teachers standing at the sides, leaning their backs to the walls, watching the students as they gave back the words of the priest, the words so engraved into their memories that it comes as a second nature. 

Daniel sighed. His eyes drooping slightly as the priest, Father Smith, droned on one of his tangents about something that had happened to him over the weekend, somehow bring Jesus and God into it every once and a while so that it could still be counted as Catholic education to a certain degree. Daniel was shook quickly by a hand that seemed to reach out of no where. The touch felt too cold, a sharp feeling that made Daniel's eyes snap back open to look around, the boys next to him groaning at him to sit still and that he was making too much of a noise. 

He stilled when he found no one looking back at him like they had done anything, just zoned out eyes of the students sitting in the row behind him and a teacher raising his eyebrow at him. He looked over to the other side of the room, the girls' side, because even though they went to the same classes and lived in the same campus and ate the same food and thought the same things and dreamt the same dreams, boy and girls couldn't contact each other. The teachers had a fear that maybe, just maybe, the students would fuck around together, as if more than half of them weren't already.

Daniel zoned out for a few more minutes until he was shoved by a boy next to him who muttered something along the lines of '_you are next_'. 

The boy was right. 

"The next reading will be by Daniel Ricciardo." Father Smith said, somehow managing to butcher his second name much worse than the last time, this time making it sound like a kazoo noise, but Daniel wasn't too bothered, especially since he had English with Mr. Horner who still said the second 'i' in his last name despite the fact that Daniel has been in his class for the last three years and has corrected him on numerous occasions. The boys next to him patted his back while he scooted past as a way of telling him _'good luck, you'll need it'._

His reading went well as always. He spoke, he knelled, he said his final prayer, and then mass was over. 

The freezing hand tapped him on the back again but this time he didn't turn around, it was probably just one of the lads having a laugh with him or something, nothing he needed to bother about. 

* * *

English was boring as always. They were watching some movie, a suitable version of Beauty and The Beast, Daniel found out after asking the girls that sat behind him who giggled while saying it and tried to rope him into their conversation before Daniel declined and turned back to face the board. Though, he quickly got bored and starting whispering to his desk partner, Max.

"Hey, did you hear that Charles got together with a girl from Saint Marry's." Daniel whispered. Saint Marry's being the girls' school. The girls and the boys got split into Saint Marry's and Saint Judas. Though, Daniel thought naming the boys after the person who betrayed Jesus was a little weird, he never really questioned it. 

"Yeah, isn't her name something like Piera?" Max laughed. "God, that's so weird. That's like me going and dating a girl called Danielle. It just sounds too much like Pierre."

"I know, that's what I said but Charles was like, '_It's only weird if you make it weird_' and I'm like '_bro it already is weird_', you know?" 

"Totally." Max chucked a piece of paper that he had been messing around with at the back of a boy's head, his curls somehow managing to keep the paper stuck there even when the boy shook his head to say no to a question asked. Max and Daniel let out little laughs every time they noticed it for the rest of the class. "Listen, if you ever go out with a girl called Maxy, I will never talk to you again. I don't get how Pierre is so casual about it."

"Damn it, all the good looking girls are called Maxy, there goes some babes. Well, actually, if I date a girl called Maxy, than I give you full permission to date a girl called Danielle, and vice versa." Daniel joked. The clock seeming to somehow go slower since he last looked at it.

"Deal."   
  


They shook hands, sealing the fake agreement.

"I'm doing homework tonight, want to join? I heard that Sister Megan will be on duty tonight." Max offers. Sister Megan was the nicest of the sisters and if you were caught at someone else's dorm after curfew, she let you stay for the night, she always used the same excuse '_it's much too late for you to walk back_' even though everyone knew it was because she was a big softy for the students. Though, Daniel's personal favourite Sister was Sister Michelle, she was strict but she had a sort of playfulness that she only used for her favourites (Daniel being number one), she gave Daniel far more chances than anyone should be allowed to give, she smiled at him when he smiled at her, she was strict but Daniel stilled liked her.

"Sure, yeah." Daniel answered. "Wait, did your new roommate come yet?"  
  


"Yeah," Max said, he was looking at his watch, then mumbled the time before continuing his previous sentence, "He's in like his final year, I don't know, he's cool."

"Will he be there?"

"Not sure, I think he said he had something, could be though." Max replied.

"Whatever, I'm coming over, you are so much better at Latin than me." Daniel joked around. He leaned back in his chair. The girl behind him, Aurelie, sinking her fingers into his hair to mess around with his locks. She runs her fingers on his scalp and when she goes to take her hand back, Daniel snaps his hand to wrap around her wrist, keeping her in place. "Keep doing that, feels nice."

He gets a few laughs in response but she does it for the rest of class and then says to him when he is leaving, "You better let me do that every English from now on."

"With hands like that, you can do it whenever you want." He laughs and they say their goodbyes.

* * *

The rest of his classes go by quickly. He grabs something from the lunch hall for himself and his roommate, just a pastry, nothing too filling because they have dinner at seven. He munched on his pain au chocolat while he punched in the numbers of his dorm building entrance, the heavy door hanging a large cross on it, were a normal house would have their number on it, smack bang in the middle and about eye level with Daniel so every time he tried to get into the dorms, he had to stare at the cross while doing it. An odd thing to have to stare at but they did go to a Catholic school do Daniel got quickly over it.

He ran quickly up the steps, taking the two at a time, before he got to the fifth floor out of seven. He was faced with another heavy door with a lock pad but this time there was no gigantic cross to stare at. He pressed in the numbers, _1-24-6_, and then swung the door open to let himself in. The cement changed to a run down grey carpet that Daniel had gotten used to. His broken in school shoes making a light patter sound as he walked down the silent hallway. When he reached room 3, that for some reason was way too far down the hall, he fished out his key, slit it in the lock and turned, the click of the lock loosening and he pushed the handle down and the door open. 

His dorm was a simple four room apartment. The school was funded by rich parents who had enough money to fund the building of projects like this, like buildings that had dorms with four rooms in each, three if you are unlucky and have to share a room with someone. The layout was basically an open kitchen and living room (room 1) then you go down a very short hallway, and if you look straight than you see the bathroom, if you look right and left than you seen two bedrooms that face opposite of each other. Daniel had claimed the left room when he first came to the school when he was in year seven. 

He left his bag in his bedroom before knocking on his roommate's door.

"Hey! Nico, I got you something from the lunch hall." 

"Come in!" Came the reply. Daniel opened the door and stood himself into the room. It was simple, white walls, light creme carpet, some posters on the wall of movies and bands that Daniel didn't know the name of because he didn't speak German. Nico was perched on his bed, sitting close to the edge, a controller in hand while he played some gun game on his TV. Nico was still dressed in his uniform while Daniel was in the gym clothes due to doing soccer as an after school activity. "Leave it on the counter."

Nico paused his game and ran a hand through his blonde hair, the navy of the school's uniform jumper contrasting against his pale skin and bright eyes and hair. Daniel gave a slight smile before he motioned that he was going to leave. 

"I'll be in my room, keep the noise down, Kevin and Romain keep banging at the door about it." Daniel warns, hating how he sounds like his mother whenever she told him the same thing.

"Sure," Nico agreed. "You going out later?"

  
"Yeah, just to Max' though. Why?"

"Just wondering, can't ask questions anymore without you implying shit." Nico mutters.

Daniel leaves. Nico's fine, he's a good roommate, he cleans, he keeps his things to himself, he asks before he brings anyone over but he's difficult to talk to and at this point, Daniel tries his best to limit their conversations to short sentences and reminders instead of long conversations and talking about things that matter._ It's easier that way_, Daniel tries to reason with himself, _that's how everyone is with their roommates and it's totally not because you slept together that one time and he got too clingy so you had to break it to him that you don't like him like that, yeah that happens to everyone, this is totally how everyone is with their roommates._

Daniel naps for the rest of the day, he skips dinner and shrugs off Nico when he wakes him for it. 

Daniel dreams, he doesn't remember what he dreamt of when he wakes, he just remembers blonde hair and icy blue eyes. He remembers red of blood and crosses of faith. 

* * *

Metallic. It tastes metallic. The red from his nose running down and his mouth tasting it.

His nose bled in his sleep, something that's been happening more recently, something that Daniel is confused by. He never got nose bleeds when he was younger but in the last few months, he's been getting them regularly to the point were he gets them in class and has to sit in the bathroom with toilet paper stuffed up his nose while Max makes jokes about how its God cursing his for his '_lust_'. 

_You have sex with a girl a few times and now, its all Max makes jokes about,_ Daniel thinks bitterly. He goes to his bathroom, the glimmering light making it all seem much more exciting than it actually is. He gets a washcloth and lets the water run over it before he rings it out and starts cleaning the red mess on his face. The washcloth smearing it more before cleaning it, the continuous cycle that happens just by washing dried blood off his face.

He flashed his eyes towards his watch. 

_8:56pm. _

He still had around an hour before curfew. That was enough motivation for him to throw on an oversized sweatshirt and sweatpants, grab his bag and cross the campus so he could get to section B (his own dorm in section C) to do homework with Max Verstappen on Thursday night. 

* * *

He was tired, his bones hurt, the fatigue of doing homework and soccer and everything catching up on him. It was past midnight and he was starving, Max promising him food that he had no access to. 

They heard footsteps coming from the hallway. Thick, heavy, steps that left a loud sound behind. They froze. Their fingers stopped writing and they held their breaths, hoping it was Sister Megan who just happened to wear new shoes, but they both knew it wasn't. 

The knocking at the door was loud, cutting through their silence like a knife, Max held onto Daniel's hand, intertwined their fingers and mouthed to him '_stay quiet_' as if Daniel was a child and didn't have common sense.

The person knocked again.

"I know you are there." The person called out. They had a slight accent but Daniel couldn't pinpoint where it was from.

Max stood up, dragging Daniel up with him. The walking in unison towards the door, their socked feet leaving no noise, their weight evenly spread between their two feet making them leave no sound.

Max wrapped his fingers around the thick handle and opened the door. 

The man was a little taller than them, with bright blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, thin lips and squared shoulders. He looked at them both, before looking right at Daniel. 

Daniel couldn't breath. 

"I'm guessing you aren't roommates." He was staring right at Daniel. Daniel shook his head before he could even think about lying. "Take your things, I'll walk you to your dorm."

And so Daniel did. 

* * *

The walk back was awkward. The man walking faster than Daniel, his face neutral to the point of Daniel not knowing if he was pissed off or just completely out of it. 

"I'm really hungry." Daniel mumbled to himself, half expecting the man to not hear him.

"Then follow me." The man answers, scaring Daniel who had been so used to the silence.

They ended at the lunch hall. Rows upon rows of wooden tables with thick chairs, over a thousand, made to seat them all, made to share the love and faith but it made Daniel feel more alone when it was empty.

The man got him some of the left over pasta, he went behind the desk and into the kitchen, Daniel following, loaded a bowl full of pasta with some red sauce and handed it to him. 

Daniel hopped onto the counter while the man leaned against the counter opposite him. Daniel shovelled food into his mouth, the hunger taking over before he realised he should take it slow before he chokes.

"Are you new?" He asks, the man raises an eyebrow.

"To this school, yes." The man answers. "Are you?"

"No, I've been hear since year seven." Daniel replies. "What's your name."

"Call me Mr. Raikkonen." He answers.

Daniel chuckles before speaking again. "Well, Mr. Raikkonen, that's not what I asked," he teases, the sudden urge to play around, "I asked what your name is, not what you are called."

He smiles at Daniel, who returns it.

"Kimi, Kimi Raikkonen." He replies, a small lul behind his voice it sound more affectionate than how he is portraying himself. "You?"

"Daniel J Ricciardo. The J is silent." Daniel finishes the pasta, scooping the last few piecing into his mouth.

"I think I have you in a class."

"Yeah, we've got gym." Daniel hands the bowl and watches as Kimi washes, dries and puts away the bowl, the same with the fork.

He smiles at Kimi again. 

Kimi walks back, his arms stretched out so that his hands are sliding their way up Daniel's legs and to his waist, Daniel subconsciously spreading his legs for Kimi to have space between them.Kimi takes the invitation and steps closer. 

Kimi's hands are cold, they feel colder when they touch against Daniel's scorching skin, Kimi slips his hands underneath the oversized sweater and rests his hands on the bare skin of Daniel's waist. Daniel curls his arms around Kimi's neck. 

They rest like that for a few minutes. Until, Daniel turns his head, Kimi following, they breath together for a second before Kimi makes the move and kisses him. 

Kimi tastes of mint. His hands tightening around Daniel's waist, bound to leave marks but Daniel's doesn't mind, he wants the marks, the bruises of the fact that this shouldn't be happening. Kimi takes control, Daniel's mind too foggy and tired to do anything but follow. 

He fists his fingers into Kimi's hair, pulls him closer, wraps his legs around him, anything he can do to be closer. More, more, more, more.

Kimi groans into his mouth, he bites on his lips, let's the blood flow, laps it up and kisses harder, pushing fresh blood out of Daniel's swollen slips. It tastes metallic but it fits them, it's suits them. 

Daniel's hands feel numb and his mind his gone, his lips numb but he can't stop, Kimi wraps his arms around his neck, he can't breath. Yes, yes, yes. 

He can't breath. 

Kimi keeps kissing, Daniel keeps kissing back, his hips hurting, his mouth full of blood, his head hurting from the hair pulling, his throat sore of the choking, but it adds up to Daniel being in Heaven. 

He can breath. 

Daniel takes gulps of air, Kimi kissing him, Daniel taking his air and they keep going.

Kimi pulls away making Daniel let out a pathetic whimper but Kimi just smiles and shushes him, kissing along his neck and leaves bites and sucks at just the right places. 

When Daniel does the same, it's sloppy and inexperienced but Kimi seems to like it. They kiss, the blood having dried a bit before they reopen the semi healed cut, pools of red coming out again. 

They kiss until Daniel can't remember his name. Kimi pulls away, Daniel making a grappling move to pull him back but Kimi's too fast and moves out of the way. 

"You should get home, your roommate will be worried." Kimi says. Daniel nods.

Yeah, Nico will be worried, totally, that's reasonable. 

He leans back, then leans forward again, slips his fingers into his mouth and laps at them, coating them with a large amount of his own saliva before pushing his fingers into Kimi's mouth, the man doing the same. Daniel pulls back his hand and wraps his fingers with his lips, swallowing the mixed saliva. A weird way of showing affection but neither complained. 

"Give me a piggyback home." Daniel demands. "I'm very tired."

* * *

When he gets home, it's near three in the morning. They had kissed some more and it turns out that swapping spit was something they both enjoyed even if that mean they made out on a park bench, Daniel on Kimi's lap, for way more than they should have. 

He's exhausted, his eyes begging him to get some sleep. He leaves his shoes at the door as always and truds to his room like a corpse, pulling his shirt over his head and shrugging his trousers down. 

His nose bleeds before he gets to sleep, just when he starts to thinking about Kimi and how good it all felt, the kissing, the touching, all of it. The liquid running down, the colour making itself noticeable. 

He doesn't move to the bathroom like he would have any other time, he just loves from laying on his back to laying on his side, the blood running down his face, staining the skin and pillow cover. The red driving itself deep in the pores it touches, staining his skin a dark red, the blood making his face ruined. 

He's never been too big a believer but the overwhelming thought has convinced him. He sat up, the blood smearing everywhere, ruining the bedsheets, running down his chin, dripping onto his chest, the blood continuing from there. 

The red staining him. 

_God was punishing him for wanting what he cannot have. _


	2. Thy Kingdom Come.

**Chapter Two: Thy Kingdom Come. **

"You know," Daniel starts. The other boys at the wooden dining table turn their heads to look at him, acting as if he was about to spew the greatest advice that they would ever hear, but knowing that it was Daniel that was speaking meant that they would hear something absurd and childish, as that was how he spoke even in serious situations. "I wish I was a goddess statue in the middle of a forest with no one around for miles, with grass and nature growing around me, no normal human able to reach me, just me and the animals."

The boys stared at him, their lips curled into smiles, their eyes still watching him. Daniel smiles, the shiny teeth showing and they all continued eating, like he hadn't said a thing. Though, for the rest of the year, every time someone in their year saw a statue of a woman, they would point and whisper to their friend '_That's Daniel Ricciardo, remember?_' and their friend would nod and they would laugh together before moving on and placing the words said as a joke in the back of their heads. 

The food was divine, with thousands of plates filled to the brim with chicken and potatoes and all sorts of food that must have taken years to make because there was just so much food and the chefs, as good as they are, couldn't make this much. But they do. And the students eat it, go to their dorms, do their homework, go to bed, only for there to be more food in the morning for their breakfast. Daniel didn't question it, he had a habit for letting things go without actually thinking about them, he never delved too deep into the mystery of the mountains of food, he never saw a reason to do so.

He casts his eyes around the room, the candles that hang down like chandeliers making him nervous that one could fall and burn them all but maybe that was his pessimistic point of view coming in, he caught eyes with sister Michelle who gave him a quick smile before turning back to her previous conversation. He does the same, finding that there is nothing else catching his eyes.

"So, guess now's the time to ask," Sebastian announces. "Who's parents are coming over?"

It's coming closer to Christmas, normally the parents come to spend a bit of time with their children or the students go home, either or. Daniel's parents usually send him money so he can visit but this year he's decided to stay at the boarding school, with Max who has done the same. The table gives a few mutters but no one answers first, so Daniel does it first, letting everyone know that they don't judge, "I'm staying here, Max and I will be chillin'."

"If anyone wants to join." Max adds, his mouth full of toast, waving a fork with some scrambled egg at the end.

"I think I'm going back to Spain." Carlos says. Daniil nods, signalling that he's returning to Russia.

"Me and Seb, back to Germany for us." Nico tells, Sebastian smiles at him. They do a weird, awkward handshake but they both laugh afterwards like the awkwardness was intended.

"The British boys are heading home." Alex says, signalling to himself, Lewis (who looks surprised to be included), George and Lando. Daniel smiles at Lando before nodding at Carlos, teasing him about his crush. Lando blushes instantly and covers his facing making Daniel let out a loud laugh that has people from other tables looking at him but he doesn't mind, people are used to him being loud.

Valtteri nods, meaning he's going back to Finland. 

"Me and Charles will stay with you." Pierre calls out to Max and Daniel, slapping Charles on the back, taking Charles out of his daydream before he nods to agree with Pierre. Daniel and Max nod in unison, offering them to stay at Max' dorm whenever they want. Pierre and Charles don't take the offer but they thank them for it.

They continue talking for a while, their mouths giving words with empty meanings and fruitless jokes. Its how they've always been. Daniel and Max make plans to do homework again together even though they had gotten into trouble (well, Daniel had, at least) for it, Lando and Carlos flirted, Lewis and Sebastian maked jokes that only each other laughed at, Charles and Pierre spoke in French, Valtteri and Daniil had a starring contest, Daniel assumes they did since they actually didn't say anything to each other and just looked at each other the whole time. Then suddenly breakfast was over and all the students stood up and cleaned their plates before trotting to class.

* * *

Daniel smiled at Max, before sitting down in his seating, they had gotten moved at the end of last English due to the curly haired boy finding all the pieces of paper stuck in his hair and the pair of them giggling behind him, resulting in the dream team getting seperated. 

Max winked at him and then maked a smoochy face at him, mocking Daniel for yelling '_you can't do that to us, sir! he's not gonna survive without my affection!_' at Mr. Horner when he moved them. Daniel's face reddened at the memory and he turned away. 

"Okay lads," Mr horner announces, "hand up your essays and I'll have them corrected by next lesson. This will be an easy lesson, just finishing the movie, I thought you all would like that."

"_Essay?_ What fucking essay?" Daniel mouths to Max, who looks equally as confused but he does the usual excuse of looking through his bag and saying that he left it at home, buying himself 2 more days to do it, for Monday. 

Daniel, on the other hand, can't use that excuse since Max ready did, so when Mr. Horner comes to him, he blurts out, "I didn't do it. I forgot, sorry." with a smile, hoping that it gets him out of trouble. 

"Come up to me after class," Mr. Horner says. "When everyone is gone."

Mr. Horner's favouritism showing when he doesn't yell at Daniel like he does with other students that forget homework. Horner goes back to his laptop and plays the movie. 

The students move around to be seated next to friends, Max shooing the girl next to Daniel away so he can sit there, she doesn't put up a fight and goes to join a red haired girl on the other side of the room. 

Max's arm wraps around Daniel's shoulders, Daniel leans into him, letting his head rest on Max's shoulder. They stay like that for the rest of the lesson, whispering and joking between them. 

Mr. Horner looks up at Daniel every now and again but Daniel ignores it and puts it to the back of his mind, letting himself focus on Beauty and The Beast. 

"You know," Daniel starts, he tried to tell Nico about the incident, the accident, with Kimi but Nico didn't care, he shrugged him off and kissed his cheek as he left for his morning swim practice. "I made out with that guy from yesterday." 

"I figured. Your lips look so fucked, mate." Max shrugs, he doesn't judge him, just makes a joke about it. "Was he any good?" 

"Best make out of my life, without a doubt." Daniel answers. Mr. Horner raises an eyebrow at them but both don't see it, eyes glued to the white board and its projector, the movie catching their eyes.

"It's the experience. All older men have it." Max says, very matter-of-factly. 

Daniel let's out a little laugh. "_Yeah?_ I better start making out with older men more."

"Yeah, if you want to."

"If he offers, I will do it again. Until then, no more making out with guys twice my age." Daniel decides, not really meaning the words. 

They don't talk about Kimi again. Max makes little jokes about the movie and Daniel laughs loudly and girls smile and pull them into conversations and then the class is over. 

Daniel's on his way out when Mr. Horner catches him by the elbow and pulls him back inside. Daniel makes a little high pitched whine when he remembers he's about to be yelled at. 

Horner sits him down on the desk right in front of him, Daniel's legs hanging down, hands clasped on his thighs. Horner goes and leans on the teachers desk, facing Daniel. 

"So, want to tell me why you didn't do the essay?" Horner prompts. 

"Not really." Daniel answers. He knows he's talking back, but Horner let's him get away with everything. "It wasn't even that important."

"It doesn't matter if the essay is important, you still have to do it, Daniel. It's supposed to improve your writing and get you comfortable with it." Horner lectures. "I know you get straight A's in this class, you're a perfect student, I just need you to follow through with your homework."

Daniel shrugs. Horner comes closer, taking a few steps so he's closer to Daniel. "What was it even about, sir?" 

"Romeo and Juliet, your thoughts about Act 1. Very easy to write a 400 word essay about, in my opinion." Horner told him. He stepped even closer, his face only millimeters from Daniel's. "And, call me Christian, I think we know each other well enough that you can call me Christian outside class."

"I don't know if that's appropriate, Mr. Horner–" Daniel tried but he got cut off. 

"Christian."

"_Christian_. Listen, I don't know if that's okay and all, I don't know about that—" He gets cut off again, this time by Christian crushing his lips with his own. 

Daniel tries to push Christian away but he doesn't seem to take the hint, and tries to get his tongue in Daniel's mouth. After a few failed attempts at getting Christian away, Daniel goes still and accepts it. 

"Atta boy."

Daniel's skin feels itchy and he wants to cry but he just let's Christian kiss him harder and mutter things into his skin. His hands feel wrong around Daniel's waist and he doesn't kiss hard enough for Daniel to get any pleasure out of it. He doesn't bite, he doesn't hit or choke and he's boring, he's not Kimi. 

"So good for me, baby." Christian mumbles, his lips making a path up Daniel's throat, sucking and biting and it all feels so wrong and not enough. 

Daniel curls his fingers into Christian's hair, his whimper at the words seeming a lot louder than it was, but Christian hears it and he connects their lips again. 

He doesn't fit right between Daniel's legs and he doesn't touch him right, he talks to much and cares too much and he makes Daniel feel disgusting for wanting Christian to just fuck him over the table. Maybe, he is disgusting. 

So, Daniel takes control. He wraps his arms around Christians shoulders, sinking his fingers into Christian's hair tightly and pulls him in harshly for a kiss that's more teeth and tongue than anything else, he moves his legs to be around Christian's waist and pulls him closer, wanting more.

Christian doesn't make any protest, just fits his hands— his huge hands, Daniel's mind corrects— on Daniel's waist and grips tighter, his fingers lining up with Kimi's day old bruises, making Daniel hiss, the pain making his brain fuzzy, everything he's wanting. 

"Hit me." Daniel manages, between licking up his way up Christian's neck. 

"What?" 

"Hit me. Slap me. Do it." Daniel dares, he pulls away from Christian, giving him room to reach out and hurt him, he's begging for it. 

And Christian does it, an open handed slap to Daniel's right cheek, the pain blossoming and the area reddening before going a bright pink. He let's out a slight moan, dragging Christian from the back of his neck to meet his lips. 

Christian takes the hand he used to slap him and does it again, another moan, and then soothes the pink skin. Daniel reaches down and goes for Christian's belt, his fingers shaking slightly and his mind foggy but after a slight nod from Christian (and a little bit of help), he's undoing the belt and pulling it out from the loops of his trousers. 

"Can I give you head?" 

"What?" 

"Can I suck you off?" Daniel asks, he's pulling at the buttons and then the zipper, looking up at Christian with big eyes. 

Christian nods, letting Daniel smile up at him before he pushes himself of the desk and sinks to his knees. 

The school uniform trousers stretch uncomfortably but Daniel doesn't mind, he sits up and reaches out to pull down Christian's underwear. 

"Be good for me."

"Yes, sir." 

* * *

He meets up with the other guys who give him odd looks but no one says anything. Daniel sits down next to Max, Max raises an eyebrow at him, then hands him a plate with a smile that Daniel doesn't know he meaning of but returns like he does. 

"So, we not gonna talk about how Dan looks like he just got attacked by a horny werewolf." Lando says after a few minutes of silence. 

Sebastians eyes shoot over to Lando and gives him a look that can only be described as that look you get from your mother when you've said something you shouldn't have in front of people she wanted to impress. 

"Someone was going to have to say it at some point." Lewis throws out, somewhat defending Lando but also getting a dirty look from Sebastian. 

"So, mi amor, what happened?" Carlos tries to coax out a response but Daniel just stuffs his mouth with more food before signalling that his mouth is full. 

The boys laugh before getting serious again. 

"Seriously, who was it?" Alex asks. He sounds impatient, Daniel feels bad but he can't say, _legally_ he can't say. 

So he shrugs and then gathers his things to leave. He makes his way out of the lunch hall, listening to the boys yelling at each other with words of _'You scared him off, Alex!' _and '_Fucking hell Lando, you couldn't wait a little!_' but the one that hurts the most is '_You know what Daniel's like, he probably doesn't even remember who it was_' that got followed by laughter. 

He doesn't really care, he knows he doesn't care but it doesn't matter, it still fucking hurts. 

* * *

Gym is a nightmare. He's been staring at Kimi for the past half an hour and he still has an hour to go before class is over. 

They're doing badminton, something that Daniel isn't too shabby at so, paired with Max, they end up winning a few games, drawing in a few more and losing a couple. Not to bad, if you think about the fact that Daniel and Max couldn't stop making jokes and one time laughed so hard that Kimi came over and had to check they were breathing. 

They swap teams, Daniel having to leave Max, they part with sappy words that have a lul of amusement behind them and a few people tell them how heartbreaking it must be to leave a loved one, carrying the joke along. 

He gets partnered with some guy called Matt, he's bigger than Daniel in all possible ways and wants to take control of the team, claiming that he can do more than Daniel and that Daniel should just sit there and look pretty. Daniel ends up winning them the game. 

During a game, Matt moves back, knocking Daniel over harshly, his shoulder hitting the ground hard making him give out a pained groan (and _not_ in the sexy way). 

Kimi comes over, puts his hand out and pulls him up. He calls to one of the kids sitting out to take Daniel's place, and motions to the other gym teacher that he's going to take Daniel out of the hall to check if he's alright. 

* * *

They're sitting on a bench in the locker rooms, Kimi kneeding his fingers into the bruising skin of Daniel's left shoulder. 

After a few moments, he speaks. "Does it hurt?" 

"Nothing more than I can't handle." Daniel whispers back, letting out a hiss when Kimi presses down hard. Kimi keeps pressing, the pain building, a quiet moan making its way out of Daniel's lips. 

"Yeah, you are a slut for pain." Kimi whispers back. 

Daniel let's out a laugh, it's not meant to mean anything, and it doesn't. "Aren't we all?"

He's teasing, letting his voice get a little breathy, and maybe he shouldn't, maybe he should let Kimi go back to his job and just hold an ice pack to his shoulder, let them settle into a normal student and teacher relationship. But he can't, not when Kimi looks like that, and does things to him that make him feel like a doll, just made for pleasure, and maybe he's fucked up for liking it rough but he's not ashamed of it. 

Kimi pulls at him, manhandling him until he's sitting on his lap, legs on the sides of Kimi's thighs. 

They sit together for a few minutes, letting Daniel get used to the pain in his shoulder, it doesn't hurt as a pain but more as a throbbing that he can ignore.

Kimi runs his hands up and down Daniel's thighs, taking the navy shorts up with his hands, letting more of his skin show. Kimi moves his hands to go underneath Daniel's shirt, massaging his sides, running his hands up and down, just like he did to his thighs.

"I can't take your clothes off." Kimi explains. "Incase someone comes in. But I really want to."

Daniel nods.

Kimi's hands travel higher, resting his hands — freezing hands that have such skilled fingers— on his ripcage. Daniel takes a breath, letting himself settle his hands to be holding, gripping Kimi's shirt, at the shoulders. Kimi's hands come back from underneath the shirt before grabbing it by the hems and pushing it up until it is rolled up by his armpits.

Kimi wraps his lips around Daniel's left nipple, lazily licking at the bud but it's got Daniel gripping harder and bitting at his lips to stay quiet. His other hands is playing with his right nipple, Daniel's eyes shut, his mouth falling open when Kimi starts actually trying to give Daniel some pleasure (like he isn't already hard in his shorts from Kimi breathing close to him). 

Daniel tries to give something back, but his mind isn't working correctly and all he can think about is how good Kimi's mouth feels. He let's of a moan, immediately bringing a hand to cover his mouth, to bite down on the flesh of his palm, to quiet himself down.

Kimi removes his mouth from his chest, Daniel pushing his chest forward, hoping for him to return his mouth, but he just swaps, sucking on the right nipple now.

Daniel decides that grinding down, his ass rubbing against Kimi's cock, is enough for right now. He moves, Kimi's arms wrapping around his waist to help him, the feeling of Kimi's mouth and his cock gets Daniel feeling fuzzy and his moans, although quiet, are coming a lot more high pitched and more frequent.

Daniel keeps going, even when Kimi warns him that he's about to come. He quickly pulls himself off Kimi's lap, lands on his knees and makes quick work of Kimi's belt. His hands grappling at the belt and the buttons and the underwear until he's faced with Kimi's dick.

His shoulder is begging him to put his hand down but it's his stronger hand so he puts up with the buzzing of his shoulder, and strokes Kimi until he's practically on the edge.

"I'm gonna come." Kimi warns, his voice breathy and his eyes glued to Daniel's mouth, practically begging him with his eyes to wrap his lips around his dick.

"Come in my mouth." Daniel replies. His lips wrap around his cock, and maybe he's not the most experienced and he's not perfect at it but Kimi's moaning like he's the best at blowjobs so he keeps going, licking his way up to the tip, giving a little suck, before swallowing down again.

He let's Kimi tangle his fingers into his curly hair, let's kimi set the pace. His jaw is aching, it's begging him to stop but it feels good, the slight nudging of Kimi's cock that almost reaches the back of his throat because Kimi's not thrusting to get his cock deep, he's just thrusting so that he can get the sensation of fucking Daniel's mouth.

His come tastes salty but Daniel doesn't mind. He swallows it down and beams at the praise that Kimi kisses into his skin.

They kiss a little more before tiding themselves up, only 10 minutes before class is over. Kimi gives him a quick hand job, Daniel coming embarrassingly fast but Kimi's got such skilled hands that he doesn't feel guilty.

They clean up with a few giggles and kisses before Kimi leaves him to help with putting away the equipment, leaving Daniel with a half melted ice pack and a kiss to the cheek.

The other students pile in, 5 minutes after Kimi left, talking about how it was so quiet without him, how they hope he's feeling better, how they hope that his shoulder isn't seriously injured. Matt even comes over to apologise, the 2 of them doing a handshake before Daniel makes a joke, melting the awkward atmosphere of the changing room.

Daniel gets to keep his gym kit on for the rest of the day, using the excuse that he's injured when his year head comes and asks him why he's the only one wearing it.

* * *

Friday Mass makes Daniel want to die. Its boring, annoying and he has a reading to do, his shoulder hurts and he wants to sleep, the day finally catching up to him. But, instead of sleeping, or doing the homework he got assigned, he's sitting on a wooden bench, filled to the brim with boys his age that he doesn't talk to, at 9pm on a Friday.

Normal people would be out partying but due to the fact that Daniel's parents hate him and decided to send him to a fucking Catholic school, he's sitting here, listening to Father Smith drone on and on about nothing in particular.

They do the usual prayers, Daniel's reading goes well (he didn't stutter once, he's _very_ proud of himself), and they all chant the hymns as if they mean anything to them.

When he's leaving the church, his arm is caught by Christian who's giving a look that Daniel knows too well.

"What is it?" Daniel asks, he's antsy and tired and just really wants to get back to his dorm.

Christian checks around them, deciding that no one is listening to them before whispering, "Come to mine tonight. You don't have to do the homework for my class, if that helps."

Daniel feels like he's taking advantage of his situation, getting to sleep in a teacher's house and not have to do homework for a class, feels all too much just for giving a blowjob. But, getting invited to someone's house normally means that they expect sex, and Daniel's not one to disappoint.

So he nods, let's himself get dragged by Christian.

Christian walks him home, waits outside the dorm building while Daniel freaks out and picks some clothes and shoves them into a bag, then Christian leads them to his car.

They drive for a good while, Daniel falling asleep along the way.

They watch a movie, they fuck and they fall asleep, none of it feeling particularly special to Daniel, just another partner that he's going to get bored of and maybe thats a cruel way to think about the current predicament, but he doesn't really care.

* * *

He wakes up with a liquid running into his mouth, his tongue tasting it. Metallic. He bled again.

He shuffles around Christian's room until he finds the door handle to his bathroom, runs the cold water tap and scubs at the dried blood on his upper lip, the blood staining the rag he used.

He's greatful to see it didn't get on the bedsheets. When he gets back into bed, he puts his leg across Christian's waist and doesn't flinch when Christian curls a hand around his waist, pulling him closer.

For once, he goes to sleep with someone, and doesn't leave the next morning.

Blonde hair and icy eyes are still in his dreams. Red and cross are still there as well. But, fire and screaming is new. He doesn't flinch when he hears his own screaming. 


	3. Thy Will be Done On Earth As It Is In Heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been ages since the last update but tbh I started and thought it was shit so I left the chapter for a while and then came back to it. I still think it's bad but I want to update this so,,,, take what you can get.

**Chapter Three: "Thy Will Be Done On Earth As It Is In Heaven."**

Mothers are kind and caring. They whipe your cheek to get off dirt and kiss your cuts, they smile when you do something they wanted you to do, kiss your cheek when you leave the door, wave when you get on the bus. They support your dreams, hug you when you say you are off to bed, ignore the bad music you seem to love so much, they get you food that you ask for. Mothers care.

Fathers on the other hand. They slap you on the back, teach you to ride a bike, teach you to fight, yell when you don't hold the light over the car right, they give to you nods when you do something right, they throw things around. They shake your hand, hand you the keys to their car, teach you to drive, then tell you that you'd have to work hard to get your own car. Father's don't care.

That's why Daniel was surprised that his mother was the one that sat him down when he was seven, and told him that he wasn't going to be at home anymore, that they were taking Daniel out of public school and he was being shipped off to a boarding school.

The first one wasn't so bad. Primary school wasn't as bad as people said, having Jesus and crosses shoved in your face did get a little annoying but Daniel got over that. His family wasn't even that religious but all of a sudden, he was packed up and handed over to nuns and priests before he even got to say goodbye to his friends back at his old public school. Probably something to do with his mother getting into some cult like club, but Daniel doesn't pass judgement. _Tragic really,_ he amuses himself.

He didn't hate his parents, maybe at the start, but not now. Now, he understood that his parents had the money to send him to a stuck up boarding school filled with just as stuck up students, so why wouldn't they. He used to be so angry all the time, he used to lash out and yell and scream and bite and hit and everything that people assumed the devil did when he didn't get his way. He doesn't do that anymore. Instead, he goes out, gets absolutely smashed, fucks the richest looking guy, calls it a night and goes back home.

A bad habit for a worse habit.

They were on Christmas break. The nuns let the rules bend, they let them get away with a lot more, let them go out, let the students do whatever. Daniel suspects that they don't actually care about the students, but he doesn't either so he doesn't judge.

They're going out tonight. They seem to agree on it even though they haven't talked about it. Max hinted at wanting to get drunk, Daniel hinted about wanting to get fucked, they both hinted at wanting to get the fuck away from the boarding school. St Judas could have them missing for a night, it would all work out fine.

They get dressed together, both in the same room with sneaky glances at each other and teasing touches but nothing that could pass the friendly mark. Nico is gone to Germany, like he said he would, so the apartment is unnaturally quiet without his video games making a huge amount of noise.

Max hums some old song that Daniel doesn't know because he's not Dutch and Daniel makes them something to eat, just simple scrambled eggs and toast. Just something to fill them up. They sit together in the living room, knees touching. The rips on Daniel's too tight jeans let him feel the leather of Max's. Maybe, he could just push himself up and kiss Max, maybe Max could fuck him senseless. But, neither of them want that and Daniel scolds himself for the fleeting thought.

When they finish, Daniel chugs a bottle of water, then Max chugs his, they time it. Daniel wins. The smile at each other before Max pulls a bottle of some vodka he somehow obtained, pouring it evenly into the plastic water bottles that are no longer filled with water.

Daniel takes a quick sip, the slight taste burning his mouth, he loves it.

They put the caps on, grab their wallets, IDs, double check they have everything before they're out of the dorm building and holding hands, trying to be quiet while they make their way out of the school's campus.

* * *

The club is loud, it hurts his head but Daniel doesn't mind. He let's himself get sweaped away with the music and the people and the hands at his hips that seem to change every song. He let's lips kiss at his neck, hands roam around his body.

He gets pressed against a wall in the bathroom. The guy hands him the smoke he was breathing from, Daniel takes a puff, slides down on his knees and— well, you can imagine the rest.

They leave the bathroom, both on a euphoria. Daniel dances some more, he drinks some more, he smiles at people some more until he sees him, _Kimi_.

Kimi's sat the bar, his eyes steady as always, a drink in hand. He's dressed in a dark shirt and jeans, he looks good, he looks hot.

He notices Daniel, he's been noticing Daniel for quite a while, even before Daniel noticed him.

Suddenly, Daniel can't breath. So he goes over to Kimi, leans his weight on the bar table, and smiles. Kimi's always loved his smile. He wraps his fingers around the base of Kimi's bottle and brings it up for a sip. Its strong. Its very strong. Daniel tries to not react, he can't show weakness but he let's out a strangled breath that makes Kimi smile.

"Fancy seeing you here." Daniel says, his voice just above the music. The music seems to have gotten louder since he came over to Kimi, almost like it was warning him to not talk to Kimi. Its a cliché line and they both know it but Daniel says it anyways and hopes it doesn't come out to slurred. 

"Shouldn't it be the other way around, aren't you underage."

"You'd still fuck me." Daniel means it to sound teasing but it comes out defensive, just like how he feels. He never used to be this easy to read, his emotions this free, but alcohol doesn't let him mask his emotions.

"Yeah," Kimi agrees. "I would."

Daniel nods, then sits in the seat next to Kimi, it must have freed while they talked. The bartender comes over to ask his drink but Daniel shakes his head, indicating he doesn't want one so the bartender goes to another person.

Daniel let's himself feel tired for a minute. He's been dancing all night, his limbs are heavy, his head hurts, he's drunk and so fucking lonely. So he rests his head on Kimi's shoulders, let's Kimi laugh and press a kiss on his head.

"You should go to bed." Kimi advises. Daniel shakes his head, forehead still pressed to Kimi's shoulder. "Wanna come home with me."

Daniel nods. Then he gets up. "I'm just going to tell Max... That I found someone. Be right back."

Kimi didn't need clarification but Daniel wanted him to know, to not leave without him.

He moves between people looking around until he seem the familiar blonde head and somehow manages to get to him.

Max is fully gone, leaning against the wall and talking in some other language to an older man, he's loaded from how the suit is tailed to the million dollar watch on his wrist. Daniel smiles at Max, gives him the pointer finger and swings it in a twirl motion. Their signal for them finding someone for the night. Max nods, motions for him to go and Daniel does.

\--

It's cold outside. The chilly weather nipping at him. Daniel let's out a shaky breath, his air coming out a cloud.

Kimi wraps an arm around his shoulders and daniel let's himself be dragged around. The lights are brighter outside and his head hurts and he thinks he's about to throw up.

Kimi guides him to a flashy red car and waits as Daniel clambers into the passenger seat, then pushes the door shut behind him. Daniel rests his head on the dashboard and let's his hands hang, his head is thumping at him, begging him to calm down and take a breath. The red liquid trickles down but he doesn't make any movement to stop it. 

When Kimi gets in, he starts the car and soon they're driving down a highway. He gives a quick look over at Daniel, notices the bloody nose and then smiles to himself before turning to look back at the road. 

"You look like an angel." Daniel mummers. His pointer finger coming up to play with Kimi's shirt collar and maybe he shouldn't be distracting Kimi while he's driving but he can't be bothered to think of the side affects of his actions.

"You look drunk." Kimi fires back, but he's only teasing, not at all serious. 

"Do you want me to give you head?" Daniel offers. Kimi should get something out of offering to give him a ride to a bed, giving road head is an easy way to do that. 

"Sure."

* * *

Christmas break is almost over, just a few days and then Daniel is back to being in his uniform and reading bible versus repeatedly until they're stuck in his head.

He's staying at Christian's, it's becoming too much of a routine by now, but Daniel's not bothered enough to stop it, to tell Christian that he doesn't feel anything for him because what happens then? Christian is still Daniel's English teacher so it's a useless attempt at breaking the relationship, he'd still be faced with the older man every day.

"Are you seeing someone else?" Daniel whispers. He hopes Christian says yes, prays with all his heart that christian says yes, that Christian tells him that he doesn't think of them as a serious relationship because Daniel doesn't and he doesn't know how much longer he can go on.

They're laying in bed, Christian is sitting up with his back on the headboard, he's dressed in an old shirt and ragged pajama bottoms. Daniel is almost the same, an oversized shirt and shorts. Daniel's legs thrown over Christian's in a usless attempt at getting comfortable.

"No, why would I need anyone else when I have you?" Christian runs his fingers through Daniel's hair and its all too domestic and nice for the internal struggle Daniel is dealing with. "Are you?"

"Yes." Honesty is the _best_ policy.

"Stop seeing them then, I think we should become—I don't know how to say this without sounding like I'm 14 and asking a girl to a dance." Christian jokes around and Daniel smiles because Christian would become awkward if he didn't.

"You want to become boyfriends? Like as in a couple?" Daniel guesses. _Please tell me I guessed wrong, please, please._

"Yeah exactly! Like, whenever we go out and we meet people we can say '_this is my boyfriend_'."

"Don't you think it's odd, Christian? I'm like three times as young as you." Daniel defends.

"Well, it would be nice for me to at least know. We don't have to tell people." Christian is becoming desperate, trying to keep a grip on Daniel, but Daniel doesn't mind slipping out of his grasp.

"Sure, let's be secret boyfriends." Daniel gives in, he hopes it comes out jokingly, like he's making a joke and that he's not at all serious but he is, he has to be or else Christian will get mad and it'll all be ruined.

"Great. That's great."

"Yeah, it is."

* * *

Daniel tries not to think about the bloody nose in Kimi's car, but he does. He's sitting in the bath in his bathroom, his long legs just reaching the other side. Blood runs down his nose, dropping from his chin to continue its path on his stomach. He doesn't bother to stop the blood. 

He replays the events. He got in Kimi's car, hoped that Kimi was taking him to his place because _God kimi looked so hot and wow how lucky would he be. _Then, his nose decided to open the water works, except it was blood not water.

They still fucked. The bleeding somehow getting worse during it but neither cared.

Daniel slides down, bending his knees so he can slide deeper into the bath, hoping he doesn't suffocate on his own blood.

_Suffocating wouldn't be a bad way to go. If God is ready to kill me._

And maybe he wants to go. So he closes his eyes and slides deeper until his head rests on the bottom of the tub. 

_Take me, if you're ready. _

**Author's Note:**

> trash, absolute trash, I love it


End file.
